Mister McLean Becomes A Miss
by RedEyedWarrior
Summary: Chris gets a sex change operation after Chef divorces him. However, things don't look up for Chris - or should I say, 'Kristie? - when she and Blaineley get kidnapped by the Kanker Sisters.


**This is a crossover between **_**Total Drama**_** and **_**Ed, Edd n' Eddy**_**. Some of the scenes may be somewhat dirty. There is also an incident of racial slur, which I apologise in advance for. ENJOY!**

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Mister McLean Becomes A Miss

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Chris McLean stood outside the hospital. He lost everything: his husband, his house and half his wealth. Chef Hatchet, his ex, divorced him for squandering three-quarters of their income on hair gel when they were supposed to be conceiving a child through surrogacy, so Chef divorced him. To drown away his sorrows in vain, Chris took drugs to the point he was too poor to maintain his house. Now that his hair was a mess, Chris felt there was no more point in being a man anymore. With a sigh, he entered the hospital and returned three days later under the name Kristie McLean. Her black hair was tied down, she was wearing a blue dress with grey high-heals and she had her beard shaven.

But before she could rejoice in her new look, three people dressed head to toe in black showed up, beat Kristie up, gagged her, stuffed a bag offer her head, threw her in the back of a truck and drove off.

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Kristie awoke in a jolt to find herself naked and handcuffed to a chair she was sitting on. Right next to her was her arch-nemesis: Blaineley (or Mildred, as Kristie calls her). She too was naked and handcuffed to a chair.

Blaineley noticed her and said: "Are you Chris McLean?"

Kristie shook her head. "I **was** Chris McLean, Mildred," she scoffed, making Blaineley cringe. "I'm **Kristie** McLean now."

"NO TALKING!" barked an unpleasant female voice. The lights went out all of a sudden. Five moments later, they went back on again, revealing three teenagers standing opposite the women.

"Well, well," cackled the redhead teenager, who wore a white T-shirt with read polka dots and blue jeans. "Look who we have here!"

"The bastard who tormented our distant cousin!" cackled the blue-haired teenager, who wore a black tank top and green jeans.

"And Mildred!" cackled the blond teenager, who wore a grey T-shirt and red shorts.

"HEY!" snapped Blaineley. "It's Blaineley! GET IT RIGHT!"

"Oh no, you three are not..." groaned Kristie.

"That's right, we're the Kanker Sisters!" barked Lee, the redhead Kanker. "We are after you for what you did to our distant cousin, Owen!"

"Owen's your cousin?!" exclaimed Blaineley. "Well I'm not surprised! He has so much in common with rednecks!" she added, rolling her eyes.

"Can it, Mildred!" ordered May, the blond Kanker, bitch-slapping Blaineley upside the face for her use of that racial slur. "You didn't give a damn Owen was thrown off the plane and you almost sexually molested him on the day he was eliminated! You're lucky Sierra stopped you!"

Kristie smirked at this, until Marie, the blue-haired Kanker, bitch-slapped her. "You should talk," snarled Marie. "You're stupid ex-husband destroyed Owen's mouth with a book and he at least would've given a flying rat's arse if you at least gave him his paid check rather than manipulate him into marrying you and squandering your money on gel!"

"But I had to keep my hair in good order!" protested Kristie.

"Well we could shave you," hissed Lee. But next she cackled evilly; the same cackle which gave the Eds nightmares for years, and said: "But instead, you and your new girlfriend can endure a worse punishment together!"

"GIRLFRIEND?" gagged Kristie and Blaineley in unison.

"SILENCE!" bellowed Lee. "You will be forced to shift one another while being dipped in a barrel of Ed's gravy!"

The Kanker Sisters cackled maniacally as they unhand cuffed Kristie and Blaineley, only to have them thrown into the barrel. The gravy was mucky and has been lying around for days. The Kanker Sisters poked the two women with pointy sticks whenever they weren't doing anything dirty enough for them. Desperate to avoid making other wounds, the women found themselves sniffing each other's hair, inserting their fingers in each other's private areas and licking the gravy off each other. They were too miserable to notice that the Kanker Sisters were recording this on camera and were planning on putting the video up on YouTube.

All of a sudden, Ed burst into the room, revealing it to be the cellar of an old house as the mould wooden stairs came into view.

"THAT IS MY GRAVY, MUTANT LESBIANS OF THE ANTI-CHICKEN PLANET ZOG!" bellowed Ed. He pounced on the Kanker Sisters and attacked them with punches and hair-pulling until they were killed. Kristie and Blaineley seized the opportunity to escape, but as soon as Ed had massacred the Kanker Sisters, he turned his glare to them. Before they could scramble out of the barrel, Ed grabbed it and slid the contents (including Kristie and Blaineley) down his throat, swallowing them whole.

As soon as Ed had all five females killed, he happily left the house, which turned out to be the same house he and his friends entered just for the sake of a gobstopper. He joined Edd and Eddy, who were selling clocks, each of them revealing it to be five days since Chris became Kristie. The Eds' first costumers were Fin McCloud and Izzy, who were also holding hands and had almost similar voices. They were buying clocks to celebrate killing Andrew "Bummer" Baumer and shagging his corpse.

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**I hoped you guys enjoyed it. If not, I'll understand. Reviews are not mandated, but please let me know how you felt about this story if you have the time and energy. They are excellent motivators. I'll see you guys in my future stories.**


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